Staying safe while grieving at home
Created by Peak Resilience
Kristen Hydes x Lisa Bay
Please note that this page is not a replacement for professional services.
If you feel like you need to speak with a professional, please contact your local emergency services.
Take care! <3
The value of ritual, process, and supporting your mental health while grieving
Acknowledging, accessing, and processing grief can be incredibly important part of your grieving experience. Connecting with others through events such as Motherless Mothers Day, allows for the opportunity to engage with individuals who are also processing their experiences of grief. There is a deep well of wisdom and empathy to draw from when meeting with a group of people who are also struggling. Simply hearing “me too” lets us know that we are not alone in our experiences.
Ritual is also a deeply healing tool to acknowledge grief, although it can be difficult, it is powerful to re-engage with rituals that were once experienced previous to the passing of a loved one, such as Mothers Day. It is entirely okay to ‘not feel okay’ when processing grief, or connecting with others about their experiences of loss. Please know that the following resources have been put together to help support the experience of grief, however, if at anytime you feel unsafe or in crisis, to reach out to your local emergency services or crisis support lines.
About Peak Resilience: Peak Resilience is an anti-oppressive intersectional feminist counselling practice in Vancouver, BC. Our team of 17 counsellors offer individual counselling, relationship counselling, and group counselling. We are humans first and counsellors second. We value true connection with clients, one another, and our community.
How to care for yourself while you’re grieving at home
There is no handbook for grief. There is no “you should do this” or “you should not do that”. The best thing you can do for yourself is to listen deeply to your needs. Do you need a day of rest? Do you need a busy day to distract yourself? That’s okay. Have compassion for yourself as you navigate uncharted waters. Maybe grief has shown up in your life in different ways, but you have never had this particular experience of grieving. Nothing has felt like this before.
What to stay aware of when accessing your grief
Physical
Because grief can be a reminder of pain, we can easily return back to earlier grief experiences and physical responses that we encountered during the initial experiences of grief; temperature change within the body, shortness of breath, heart rate increase, nausea, dizziness, dry mouth, headache or pain in the stomach.
If you are reading this, I know that you have experienced pain and have survived this discomfort. It can be helpful to remind ourselves that these physical sensations can change, if we allow for it. This can be done by simply taking a few moments to reconnect with your breath, having a glass of water, or changing the temperature of your body by stepping outside of opening a window.
What to stay aware of when accessing your grief
Emotional
When reconnecting with grief, it is entirely understandable to feel overwhelmed. We can become very judgmental of ourselves when we notice grief emotions resurfacing due to the societal construct that grief is a linear process. What if I told you that you could go through all stages of grief, and still have emotional responses to your grief, and that is totally okay?
If emotions come up, it may be helpful to have a piece of paper and write down some of the experiences you are having. Simply by putting our hand on our chest or stomach and saying ‘I hear you’, allows for the emotion to exist without judgement and without shame.
GRIEF RITUALS AND PRACTICES FOR THIS WEEKEND
As we float in these uncharted waters, know that water, like emotion, changes. One day (or hour) may feel like a raging storm, and one may feel like a calm cruise. It is important to highlight this spectrum of emotion as we often place judgment on our internal experiences. “Why am I STILL crying?”, “How come I can’t even shower??”, “I can’t be happy!”
The narratives we write are often in line with a perceived trajectory of “acceptable” grief. But grieving isn’t linear, and no parts of grieving are unacceptable. Grieving is a verb, an action, something we do. It may feel sometimes like we are passive recipients of the distress, but in fact we are moving with, and through, grief. Just like water. We may feel tumbled in the undertow or floating weightlessly on top, whatever you feel, and no matter how much it changes, it is welcome.
Similarly, grieving at home can bring mixed experiences. Lonely or peaceful. Isolated or safe. Or maybe a combination.
Whatever your experience is, it can be helpful to have a dedicated space and ritual to help with grieving. Grieving rituals are practiced all over the world in different ways and it is important to find something that feels right for you.
Find or create a physical space that speaks to you and create an intention for its purpose. For example: “This is the place where I let my grief be free”.
Reduce clutter and chaos.
Choose items that have meaning for you (pictures, pieces of nature, candles, blankets).
In this space you are invited to create a grieving ritual to feel a sense of connection, meaning, and safety.
Leave your phone and take some time for yourself. Guided meditation or visualization exercises help us connect with our body and turn off the excess noise. Breathing exercises help remind our nervous system that we are okay and there is no impending threat.
Maybe add music, chanting, or movement for deeper expression.
Whatever it is you choose to do, know that creating space for your grief is a healthy choice.
"It can feel vulnerable to reach out for professional support- especially during a challenging time. Having someone to talk to who is safe, non-judgmental and who will help you navigate grief can be a lot different than talking to a supportive friend or family member. A counsellor can help you make your own new meaning from your grief, while providing a safe space for you to feel hard feelings." - Jennifer Hollinshead, Founder and Clinical Director of Peak Resilience
If you feel overwhelmed with your emotions, it is important to find support.
Online Support: resources can include online support groups, newsletters, daily content on social media, youtube videos.
Print Support: books can help make you feel less alone in your own feelings. For example: “It's OK That You're Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand” by Megan Devine or “A Grief Observed” by C.S. Lewis
Face to face Support: You can search your area for Registered Clinical Counsellors, or Registered Clinical Psychologists. Some professionals may specialize in grief work. The connection you feel with your therapist is the most important element of a therapeutic relationship. If it’s not a fit, you’re allowed to find someone else.
If at any point your feelings feel too overwhelming you should call your local crisis line and speak to someone immediately.
https://www.betterhelp.com/gethelpnow/