6 ways coronavirus impacts elderly people’s grief routines

Grief can be incredibly isolating.

It can make socializing, working, and even leaving the house hard.

Grief can also give people lively social lives.

It can inspire them to try new things, get out, and heal.

So what happens when even the tiniest routines that someone is able to get out and participate in aren’t an option? They’ll need a little support from their community - family, friends, colleagues, and beyond. 

If there’s someone in your life that is in home-quarantine or isolated in a nursing/retirement community, consider that it might be hard to manage their grief alone.

Of course, it can be hard for the obvious reasons: They’re alone without human interaction, lack of routine, and increased stress during this period of unknown.

There are also other reasons why it might be hard: Their home-quarantine period could come during a particularly hard death-related anniversary, their home could be a depressing reminder, or they could have recently gotten their social life back after losing someone - and now they’re incredibly isolated. 

Before you start harassing your person with 1,000 skype calls a day or 50 Amazon Prime orders, start by considering what might be hard for them.

Your support can be potentially life-changing, or at least drastically improve a few hard days at home alone. But ask them what’s coming up for them, then make a plan to take some action! 

Remember that though this is particularly relevant during existing and impending lockdowns due to COVID-19, this is always something to keep in mind. And much of it can also be relevant to people who are working from home and struggling with grief, off of school and struggling with grief, or in hospital and struggling with grief.

How does home-quarantine impact grief and routines? 

Being stuck at home means not being able to see the people in your life that make grief easier. It also means potentially being stuck in a place that brings back really painful memories if you can’t manage your grief and get out every once in a while. 

So first, consider what routines you know are impacted for your person. What is their daily life like? How are you involved? And, most importantly, what can you actually control in your solution?

You don’t want to offer to do something, or worse - go ahead and do something, without following the advice of authorities that put the quarantine laws and boundaries in place to keep everyone safe and healthy. 

Check here for the latest updates from WHO and CDC regarding contact, quarantine, and response to COVID-19. 

6 routines that help elderly people manage grief

Seeing family and friends

Being able to socialize at weekly dinners, babysitting grandkids, or visits to a nursing home could be halted due to home-quarantine, especially if your person is seriously at risk for being infected.

And yes, your grandparent or elderly colleague might have a few friends that they see on the reg! This could be people that they see at the hairdresser, the grocery store, or regular meetups like brunches or events. 

Work is also a place where people who are grieving find distraction, purpose, motivation, and social connection. So being home alone WFH or off of work due to closures can mean not seeing colleagues and work friends who they would normally see on a regular basis.

Not being able to see these people could be hard for many reasons - family and friends can make empty homes feel full of life; grandkids can be a great distraction from grief; and regular/routine visits are immensely helpful when someone is already in an isolating location.

Seeing people IRL can also provide the majority of someone’s physical contact - hugs, cuddles with grandkids, kisses, and just being in close proximity with another human. This is especially true for people who live alone.

Exercise

Grieving can make it really hard to find the motivation to get up and move. Pair that with the stress of a pandemic, being stuck in your home, and no routine: Exercising might be hard to follow through with.

Exercise is important for many reasons, of course - it keeps people healthy and helps with stress management. But additionally, in grief, exercise can give people something positive to do (that we have control over, unlike death), and it allows people to see other humans as a part of a routine - at the gym, the park, or a community center.

Visiting graves or memorial sites

Visiting gravesites can be a regular part of someone’s life. This could be impacted if your person doesn’t have anyone available to drive them - people are too busy taking care of kids during school closures, or friends and family are too worried about passing on the virus. 

Not being able to keep this important routine could throw off a grief journey, grief process, and grief management. Remember that people visit graves and memorial sites for all kinds of reasons - holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, to have conversations with their deceased, and to spend time in their presence. Even if they don’t go every day, their home-quarantine could be occurring during some very important dates and occasions. 

Attending church

Religious practice is hugely beneficial for many grieving people - it allows them to connect with long-time family and friends, as well as keep up with what is for some a lifelong routine. Churches are also places where people have specific mentors and advisors that help them manage their grief. 

As churches and community centers begin to close, consider that this could mean a huge disruption in support resources and routines for your person. 

Therapy

For anyone and everyone, grief counseling or therapy can be a huge part of the management process. It provides a third-party outlet, a regular obligation to deal with grief, and can be a personal commitment to healing. 

If your person isn’t leaving home, they might be missing therapy sessions. Or, if the quarantine means missing work, they might be unable to afford their therapy - even if it’s over the phone or Skype. 

(Seemingly) Tiny routines

While grieving, even the smallest routines make a huge difference in helping people manage mental health and stress. It also gives people a reason to get up off the couch or leave the house. Tiny routines could include anything from grocery shopping, to eating breakfast out or going to a movie once a week. 

Though you might not know what someone’s tiny routines are, they can happen daily and be very important.

Wondering how you can help your family and friends through their home-quarantine? Check out Pt. 2 of this article, which offers 10 ways to keep contact with and support a grieving elderly person.