10 ways to help a grieving elderly person during coronavirus
Staying busy and healthy while grieving can be hard enough. Let alone when you’re mandated to stay locked in your house!
In a previous article, I covered 6 ways that coronavirus and home-quarantine could be impacting routines of grieving elderly people in your life.
In this article, I cover 10 ways you can support someone by taking action. And that action doesn’t mean stress-calling them every five minutes or showing up at their house with groceries they don’t need.
It means asking how they might be feeling or are impacted by isolation, and helping them come up with ways to address any issues that have come up.
10 ways to support grieving elderly who are quarantined
This section is broken up by the types of routines that could be impacted (seeing family, going to church, etc.) and a few ways that you could help someone set new routines or find workarounds while they’re stuck at home.
Note, that it’s important to consider what you can actually control as you try to present solutions.
You don’t want to offer to do something, or worse - go ahead and do something, without following the advice of authorities that put the quarantine laws and boundaries in place to keep everyone safe and healthy.
Check here for the latest updates from WHO and CDC regarding contact, quarantine, and response to COVID-19.
Seeing family and friends
Phone calls: Simple phone calls can be hugely helpful. They can be great to check in your loved one’s physical and mental health. They can create routine. And they can show that you care about what they might be struggling with.
Stress-calling someone every 20 minutes is likely going to increase their (and your) stress, but asking someone if you can call them once or twice a day just to chat could be a respectful way to keep in touch. Maybe they’ll want or need more or less, but offering to check in is a good start.
Skype/video calls: Seeing the face of a loved one on a computer isn’t the same as seeing them in person. But sometimes a voice call just isn’t enough!
Schedule in regular video or Skype calls with your person.
Help them setup the software on their phone or computer.
Make the video calls fun - have kids who are home due to school closures perform little shows, read books together, or play games.
Exercise
Exercising at home: There are many ways to exercise at home, whether you have formal equipment or not.
Recommend a walk around the neighborhood or property.
Recommend setting regular timers to get up and walk around the house or do chores that keep them from being stationary all day.
Recommend safe ways for them to exercise at home without supplies. Stretching, walking, lifting weights (that can come in many forms!), or working out can be accomplished in lots of ways with different tools.
Digital exercise classes: Though some yoga studios and gyms are closing their doors, there are ways to access classes and instructionals online.
Recommend online yoga resources like glo, this great “Yoga for grief with Adrienne” video. or other YouTube videos. I regularly do yin at home to help with my grief, and have found it to be a great way to start, break up, or end a day.
Visiting grave and memorial sites
Create new rituals: This period of home-quarantine could be happening at a particularly hard time for a grieving person, during which they’d normally go visit a grave or memorial site. Visiting those sites could also just be a daily routine that they can’t do anymore because their ride is unavailable or the location is closed.
Talk to your person about what’s important about that ritual of visiting the site.
Brainstorm ways that they can recreate that purpose and satisfaction through a new ritual.
For example: Do they go to a site to talk to the deceased? Recommend ways they can find a private, quiet space and do that with a picture of them.
For example: Do they go to a site to celebrate a deathiversary, anniversary, birthday, or holiday that falls during this time? Recommend ways that they can celebrate from home - with similar routines of gardening or arranging and placing flowers somewhere; praying; letting out a good cry.
Note: any suggestion you make could also include you being involved digitally or from afar at the same time of day!
Attending church
Attending church digitally: Churches and community centers are beginning to close, but there are still options to practice religious routines and gatherings digitally. And this could be very important for your person to keep up, as religious outlets are great for routine and are often places people turn to for grief support - in group settings or in one-on-ones with religious leaders.
Help your person find out if their religious community is offering live digital sessions (just without anyone being able to head into the physical place of worship) or recorded sessions.
Recommend that they contact people from their church community to do a Skype session or video meet-up.
Recommend that they see if an individual leader in their religious community is willing to do phone calls or video sessions for studies, advisory sessions, or just conversations with a trusted member of their community.
Creating religious routines with family and friends: If the above options aren’t available from their church, you can offer to practice with them at the usual times they would during the week. This could involve everything from studying scripture to singing to dedicated time to socialize in ways that are specific to their religion - just digitally.
Therapy
Digital therapy resources: Don’t assume that someone will suddenly be willing to use you as their therapist (and if you’re not qualified… that’s a good thing!)
It can be important to have neutral, third-parties to talk to about grief. So if someone is missing therapy as a result of illness or home-quarantine, offer your person resources that they can access on their phone or computer.
Recommend that they reach out to their therapist and see if they can do phone calls or Skype sessions.
Link them to resources like BetterHelp.
If they can’t do digital therapy sessions for some reason, recommend meditation or mental health apps like Calm or HeadSpace.
(Seemingly) tiny routines
You might not have any idea what kinds of small routines your person takes part in on a daily basis, but you can ask! If you can help them find ways to keep those routines up safely, brainstorm with them.
Try thinking about what tiny routines keep you on track during the day - in your grief or otherwise. Is it making sure you still wake up and have a shower, even when you work from home or it’s the weekend? Is it making sure you have the little pleasures in life - maybe a fancy coffee treat that you’d normally pick up at a Starbucks, or a breakfast out with a friend?
Considering the specific ways that you’re adapting can help inspire someone else find workarounds and ways to stay on top of their grief, as well.