Routines, grief, and quarantine
Routine can be incredibly important when we’re grieving.
It helps us establish control after we feel like we’ve lost it. It can remind us to do the little things like eat and drink water when our bodies are straight up over life. And it can give lots of people the opportunity to find joy in life - from socializing, returning to work, or doing rituals that are healing.
But, as many of us are feeling, quarantine has wreaked havoc on almost all of our routines. So it’s likely that the ways you normally manage your grief might not be an option anymore - especially the little things you might not have been thinking about (for example, I manage my grief by going to the grocery store (no joke) and just being able to think about nothing but food).
Creating new routines can be a pain in the ass but they can be super helpful if you’re feeling out of sorts. Your new routines might have to be contained to a 500sq foot studio apartment or slotted into the few minutes of the day you have alone. But they could be very useful to help you tap into your grief and manage it.
What is a grief routine?
Note that when I say routine, I don’t mean having every moment of your day scheduled or doing the exact same act at the exact same time every day. Of course, routines can be found in the repetitive, timely habits we create - but they can also be applied to how you respond to stress or agitating circumstances.
For example, I’ve identified certain reactions I have to stressful situations. When I have those reactions, I’ve put in place routines to address them - like going for a walk, spending time away from my partner, or eating a little tiny something that brings me joy.
How to create a new routine
If you’re working routines into your day, try a few things:
Put them in your calendar. When your brain is in the fog of grief, it’s hard to remember where you put your shoes, let alone a new habit you’re trying to form. Having it in your calendar also means that the time is set aside. I have a recurring “meeting” on my calendar that just prompts me to get up and walk - no one can book over it, move it, or cancel it.
Let your “person” know. If you have someone in your life that’s looking out for you, let them know that every day you want to walk around the block, take a shower, eat something fun, or meditate.
If you don’t have a person, let your phone know. Set alarms reminding you to do things. Even when we’re stuck inside all day, time can still get away from us.
Don’t be upset with yourself if you miss a day (or two). Finding routine can take time, and even when you’ve committed to one it can eventually be harmful or the opposite of what you need. Reevlaute whenever you need to, but always take stock of why you’re skipping out.